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[Jul. 23rd, 2008|07:02 pm] |
Sometimes love is not so much found, as it is stumbled upon. Sometimes you meet people and know within seconds, you that they will change your life. Sometimes you don't fall out of love, sometimes you are pulled out of it. Sometimes you're ready and sometimes you're not. Sometimes people aren't meant to stay around forever, but rather just to teach you a lesson. Sometimes we know our time is up, and we choose to ignore those signs because we think we know what we want. Sometimes it hurts so bad, you wonder how you did it the last time. Sometimes you close your eyes to the truth so that it won't hurt so much right now. Sometimes you open your eyes to the truth so that it won't hurt so muchlater. Sometimes you meet people who open your eyes, electrify your mind, warm your soul,and make you feel alive again. Sometimes you meet people who remind you of what it feels to be innocent and pure and untouched by trouble. Sometimes you think you have met the One when all you met is the the One for you at that time. Sometimes we promise forever, when all we can give is right now.
I have believed in love often and fell in love rarely. Although I curse all the boys who have ever taught me anything about what it takes to feel like you are dying, I can feel nothing but warm feelings and gratitude as I look at it all beginning to end, heartache to heartache. I thank them for the gifts of discernment, the eyes of wisdom, and the mind of clarity. I have loved them, do love them, and will love them. Each time it feels just as good as the last time. Each time it hurts much worse than it did the last time. And even though each fall was fatal, I would fall and fall again. Because if love is a battlefield, I will fight til the end. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2007|12:43 pm] |
I'm not too happy right now.
I probably deserve to be alone
--Everything is so hard these days. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G
ps. I understand everyone fucks up once in awhile, but when I'm sorry becomes your motto, therein lies the problem |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2007|10:24 pm] |
Isn't it funny how certain people and things just WON'T leave your mind?
Yeah, I find it mildly amusing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 19th, 2007|11:57 pm] |
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Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happpyyyyyyyyyyyyyy |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2007|09:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Whenever Wherever Whatever-Maxwell | ] |
I miss you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | very very sick. | ] |
how could you? |
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| "You are everything and everything is you"... |
[Jan. 1st, 2007|08:23 pm] |
As most people see the beginning of the new year as the introduction of new hopes, new dreams, and new ideas, I can't help but have sad eyes tonight because while 2006 had many many highs, the lows were very very low. Any other new year would be spent with all my friends getting drunk in cute clothes...but I have learned that it doesn't matter how pretty or smart or special everyone thinks you are because it does not save you from inevitable heartbreak... and I can say sadly, and I have come to accept the fact that that act is not possible this year. And those times can probably never be retrieved--as much as we feign, I know that nothing is the same. Most of all...my heart. I have failed miserably 3 times, ladies and gentlemen, and have learned all my lessons the hard way. So with that, I say a teary goodbye to 2006 and turn a harder heart to 2007. Lets say 2006 was the year I lost hope in everything that is good.
Cheers. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2006|03:27 am] |
jour apres jour...nuit apres nuit...J'ESPERE avec toute ma coeur...
:[[
je ne veux pas finir... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2006|11:45 pm] |
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Oh man, oh man. I feel like I have been socked in the stomach, my heart, that heart that I previously though was nonexistent is now at my knees. If anything, if anything, I have discovered that I still have a heart, however shattered and deformed that heart may be. I don't want to write anymore. I don't want to write anything anymore. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just want to sleep, and sleep, and keep on sleeping. Oh, I hope I never wake up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2006|01:14 am] |
I sort of had this fantasy that I could walk up to you and look you in the eyes and know, "What's done is done. Now it is as if it never was." But that plan didn't work out, seldom do they. So now I'm more confused than ever.
And very very certain that I have no idea what love is. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2006|11:03 pm] |
in all honesty, APPREHENSIVE as hell
a bit frightened, but content
time to start taking that long forgotten advice: 'WHAT IT IS IS WHAT IT WILL BE'....i just don't want to be disappointed again
PS, Just so you know, the feelings and words did not end when I spoke the words, “This isn’t working for me anymore.”
Yes, it’s true. I still do fall asleep with your name on my lips every single night... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2006|10:49 pm] |
November 4th will either be the day I get my closure or the day a new chapter begins. A win-win situation, I think, on my behalf. One hundred dollars and I’m going to get this done, seven days until I can see you again. I’m not too good with numbers, but these I like.
-Captain |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2006|09:27 pm] |
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Maybe sometimes we’re meant to lay in bed and will the tears to stay inside of our eyes. Maybe sometimes we’re meant to not have the phone ring every second, and maybe sometimes we’re meant to be alone. I have no choice but to be optimistic and think that this sad sad feeling’s only purpose is to have a comparison so that when I get happy, I can look back and say, “Well thank God I don’t feel like that anymore!” Maybe that’s all life is: a jumble of events smashed together in a way that you can only distinguish in memory as light from dark. Maybe I will look back in one year and say, “Well, the first heartbreak is the very worst. It will never be that bad again.” or maybe I will look back in one year and say, “That little tear was nothing compared to the ocean I am crying now.” Fall always brings these familiar feelings to the tip of my tongue, but this time it is not quite like settling into an old sweater, this time it is like settling into a coffin. It’s no good to be alone in this sort of weather, the sort of weather that wills everyone to buy coats and hold hands. I wonder if you are feeling the same sort of ache, the same sort of chill settling over your bones, and I wonder if you wish my hand was still inches from yours. I wonder if you think of me at all, and if you do, I wonder if you wonder if I am thinking of you. I am, you know. It’s sort of pathetic that everything I write somehow comes back to you, but good too, because, maybe, it means that you are doing the same. I think it would be nice to catch up some day, and talk about who you are dating and what classes you are taking and how your life has been, but I also think it would be nicer to already know. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|07:26 pm] |
i'm sorry-
sometimes its just so fucking overwhelming. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2006|11:06 am] |
someone please shake me from this terrible dream--
some people can never catch a fucking break.
rest in peace |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2006|08:29 pm] |
sometimes i can have a really good sense of humor about this whole situation
operative word being sometimes. |
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